Tarbiya (education and upbringing)

The Sheikh says families who worked for good in this world keep their children on the path, and that a child is shaped by his father's habits or by religion, according to which (his view). ^{2 3} He counts among upbringing teaching a child that lying, cheating and backbiting are forbidden, to love what is lawful and dislike what is forbidden, and to be courteous to people (his view). ^{4 5} He advises a father not to rebuke his child before hearing him, not to treat him harshly, and says children are raised for their own time rather than their parents' time, and that a task is given to a child in stages (his view). ^{6 7 8 9} He calls for prayer for children's righteousness (his view). ¹⁰ He holds that a child's rebellion may come from the parents' own sins (his view). ¹¹

The Sheikh says that some fathers forget their children when they are in the first year of primary school, then discover in the third or fourth year of university that the son or daughter is absent from them though physically present ¹².

He holds that the parents themselves sowed this enmity, and calls first for seeking God's help, citing a verse that speaks of spouses and children ¹³.

He advises the father to pray two rak'as and ask God to turn his children's hearts to obedience and love of Him ¹⁴. He advises the father to leave some space between himself and his son before commanding or forbidding him, when he knows the boy will refuse ¹⁴.

He advises the father not to come with a command at the moment of the final match that a football-loving boy has waited for all year, but to let him enjoy it ¹⁵.

He tells of a father who went out with his five-year-old son to the zoo, where the boy kept asking about the animals ¹⁶.

He says the father did not know the names of the animals his son asked about, and told his anxious wife to let the boy learn ¹⁷. The Sheikh comments that this father is arrogant, and that if the boy is called rebellious it is in truth the father who is the rebel ¹⁷.

He says that children love tenderness, and holds that pet names suit girls, but that boys should not be pampered with them ¹⁸.

He holds there is no need to pamper a boy with pet names after puberty, in his twenties and thirties, whereas a woman likes to be pampered at any age ¹⁹.

He advises that a boy of five or six be allowed to take part in the conversation when his father visits his paternal or maternal uncles ²⁰.

The Sheikh says that raising a child not to cheat in an exam is swimming against the current; he may get lower marks because of it, but the Sheikh counts him as rewarded for it ²¹.

He notes that parents tell their children not to lie, cheat, backbite or flatter the manager, while a colleague draws close to the manager with praise and is promoted ²².

He holds that a father who raises his son to be righteous has freed him from the restraint of leaning on the lowly ways of the world and raised him to the rank of the righteous ²³.

The Sheikh holds that a woman who wears the hijab or niqab is not restricted; she has boundaries by which she knows the permanent mahram, the temporary mahram and the stranger, whereas the restricted one is she whom any person may look at ²⁴.

He says that children think their parents restrict them with the hijab, when in fact the parents have released them from the restraints of this world, and that families bound together in this way are gathered in Paradise (needs_source) ²⁵.

He says that our sons' and daughters' rebellion against us comes from the abundance of our sins ²⁶. He says that the righteousness of offspring comes from God, and that the father's part is to feed them what is lawful ²⁶.

The Sheikh criticises the father who interrogates his daughter and son at home like a control officer at an airport, asking each of them where they are going and what they are doing ²⁷.

The Sheikh says that in the 1950s, as a child, he would enter the mosque and find only elderly retirees in their seventies and eighties (needs_source) ²⁸.

He says that since the 1970s and 1980s the mosques, the two Harams and the study circles have been filled by young men and women, and he hopes the best of the community lies in them (needs_source) ²⁹.

He relates that when he looks around a university hall he sees nearly all the girls veiled and only two who are not, and he takes this as evidence that hijab is a matter of free choice with no compulsion in it ³⁰.

The Sheikh advises the father to be wise in raising his children, not to demand what he knows his children or wife will not do, and to keep a respectful space between himself and his daughter ³¹.

The Sheikh asks why failure pursues us in our relations with our wives ³².

He holds that the cause of troubles with spouses and relatives is that each person puts the key in the wrong door, and had he put it in its right place it would open ³³. He adds, on visiting a wife's mother, that one must treat her kindly ³³.