Parents' rights (huquq al-walidayn)

In a lesson of his series on rights, Sheikh Omar Abdelkafy sets out parents' rights over their children, beginning with the verses that command kindness to parents and join thanks to them with thanks to God. ¹ The verse on kindness to parents ² The verse on giving thanks to parents ³ He says that kindness to parents has become rare in his time, and that many homes no longer know parents' rights. ⁴

The Sheikh says that kindness to parents does not end with their death, whether they are alive or have gone under the earth. ⁵ He recounts a saying that whoever pleases his parents has two gates of Paradise opened to him, and whoever angers them has two gates of Fire opened to him; the ruling holds when one of them is still alive. ^{6 7 8}

He says that the person most deserving of a man's companionship is his mother, and that for a woman it is her husband. ⁹

He recounts that a man carried his mother during the pilgrimage and asked Umar ibn al-Khattab (may God be pleased with him) whether he had discharged her due; Umar's answer, that it does not repay even one of the pains of her childbirth, is not clear in the transcript (needs_source). ^{10 11}

He says that a servant's rank in Paradise is raised by the prayer of his righteous child. ¹²

He says that whoever wishes to enter Paradise must please his father and mother, living and dead. ¹³ He says that a person who reached his parents without honouring them has made their presence a cause of entering the Fire rather than Paradise. ¹⁴

He warns against children living in comfort while their parents live below that level. ¹⁵

He complains that a father may grow angry when his son commits to the sunna, and says this is now called personal freedom. ^{16 17}

The speaker says that when children disobey their fathers and mothers, blessing is taken from them ¹⁹. He speaks of paradise and the fire in the context of dutifulness and disobedience to parents; one sentence is garbled and is noted only as a pointer (needs_source) ²⁰. He tells a story of a father who ordered his son to divorce his wife, in which Abu Bakr and other Companions are mentioned; the detail of the narration has not yet been checked (needs_source) ²¹. He asks what dutifulness to a mother and family means; the answer is not clear in the transcript (needs_source) ²². He attributes to Abu Hanifa a view dividing a right between mother and father; the attribution has not yet been checked (needs_source) ²³.

The Sheikh says that kindness to parents opens the gates of paradise, and that harsh speech and a rough manner push people away; he cites a hadith that righteousness is a gentle face and gentle speech. ²⁴ He says that children should be taught to kiss the hands of their parents in front of them, so that they learn gratitude to the giver. ²⁵ He gives the example of a parent who gives a child a phone, and the child uses it to reveal the parent's secrets, and he says that blessings must not be used to anger parents or God. ²⁶ He criticises young men who boast of their fathers' positions, holds that young people who scorn their parents' words as old-fashioned are mistaken, and says that values do not change with time. ²⁷ He says that boasting of fathers and wealth is foolish, and describes a rich youth and a poor youth each boasting of his father. ²⁸ He mentions what the Qur'an reports of Ishmael's reply to his father about the dream, in which Ishmael asks him to do what he is commanded and promises patience (needs_source: the sura is not named in the recording). ²⁹ He presents the counsel of Abraham to his father as a model of gentle counsel based on knowledge. ³⁰ He cites a hadith on responsibility for those under one's charge, and applies it to a child who spends his father's money on what displeases God. ³¹

The Sheikh says that the success of children is a duty of parents, that lawful income and good conduct bring blessing, and that parents must be role models, speak kindly and build a home of mercy. ³² He calls mothers and fathers to gentleness and friendship with their children, and says that advice must not make children feel criticised. ³³ He criticises a father who does not embrace his children and a mother who leaves them to television or the phone, and he quotes a line by Shawqi on the orphan whose mother is absent. ³⁴ He criticises parents who blame others for their children's faults, who do not teach them daily prayers and remembrance of God, and who neither pray nor attend learning in front of them. ³⁵ He says that a mother should keep praying for children who do not pray, instruct them, and pray for them and for herself to be among those who keep the prayers. ³⁶ He says that a child feels that his parents want the best for him, and that God's generosity is far greater. ³⁷ He distinguishes an orphan who lost his father in childhood from a neglected child whose parents are alive but absent. ³⁸ He says that a believer is not a fool, and that a lively child should not be called wretched, since the wretched are those in the Fire and barred from God's mercy. ³⁹

The Sheikh says that parents should think about what suits the young person and not impose their own preference, and that the wise path is balance. ⁴⁰ He says that parents should accept a suitable match from a family known for religion and character, that nobody is free of faults, and that faults should not be used as a pretext for rejecting a person. ⁴¹

The Sheikh says that parents ask children who gave them the bread, so that they learn that God provided it, and parents teach them the formulas said at meals. ⁴² He says that children should be trained to thank their mother for the food she prepares, so that gratitude becomes a habit and grows into care for parents. ⁴³