Living with a spouse in kindness (mu'ashara bil-ma'ruf)

Al-Sha'rawi separates affection (mawadda), a feeling of the heart, from kindness (ma'ruf), good conduct owed even without affection. ¹

He says the command "live with them in kindness" is wider than affection, because kindness is given even when one dislikes someone, as one feeds a hungry person without any bond of love. ⁴

He explains "it may be that you dislike a thing and God places in it much good" as meaning that a man may dislike one aspect of his wife while other aspects hold much good that he does not notice. ²³

He recounts that a man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab (may God be pleased with him) complaining that he disliked his wife and wanted to divorce her. Umar reminded him that homes are not built on love alone and that affection grows over time. ²

No contrary juristic view is set out in these pages, and no academic reading (needs_source).

The Sheikh counts good companionship as the first general right of the wife over her husband, and says that among its requirements the husband must not overlook her feelings. ⁵ He holds that a wife is not obliged to serve her husband's mother, and that she should treat her well. ^{6 7} He warns against a husband belittling his wife in front of her family. ⁸ He recounts that when Aisha, out of jealousy, broke a dish of food, the Prophet ﷺ rebuked her gently. ⁹